Book 3: Fire? Warped!
by Valedictator
Summary: Let's try this again. Book 3: Fire, the way it could have happened, but didn't. And that's probably a good thing. But aren't you slightly curious how it could have happened? Well then, start reading. :D
1. Prologue, yeah

Author's Note: OMG first story! Hi everyone, what's up, I am FFMMCLXIV, a.k.a. FF a.k.a. "that FF guy." Whichever you prefer. Anyway, I figured this would be fun, so I'm giving it a shot. This is a anti-Book 3, if you will: basically the events of Book 3 twisted and warped by my mind and outputted as a parallel Avatarverse, myself included (I personally won't affect the plot much at all though. Not much. :D). The events that happen aren't gonna be 100 different from canon, but rest assured, it will be interesting. Think of this story as playing through Book 3 as a different character. Or something. Whatever, this will be explained better as the story progresses, if you still don't understand.

I will let you know before we begin that I do enjoy Kataang and Tokka, so if you ship/hate either one, you will have some high points and some low points, as I do my best to support/crush either one throughout the course of this story. ;D

I plan on catching up to the US airing schedule, then updating weekly after that. Writer's block is rarely a problem for me, so you can look forward to some good stuff, I hope.

Enjoy, this is just the prologue.

And of course, nothing Avatar related belongs to me, except for this story.

* * *

-----Prologue-----

Certain online animated comics that I will not mention here will have you believe that while Aang was unconscious, he visited the 4 Avatars before him, to learn more about what exactly was going on with The Avatar State.. But this is not the case, if you ask Aang yourself.

...Okay, so you can't do that. But I did, and what I have to tell you is not very surprising, if you consider the facts.

I managed to get an interview with the last Airbender alive shortly following the burning of his glider. During the process, I learned many things about this comatose state that Aang was in. "Really, I was having a pretty good time while I was asleep," said Aang. "In my dreams, I was hanging out with my Air Nomad buddies from 100 years ago. They're kinda bad at riding on air scooters these days, but hey, you never get tired of seeing them fall!

"But in all seriousness, I only had two things on my mind while I was out. Of course, there were the typical thoughts: 'I failed, Azula zapped my butt, darn, why the heck did I pull that Megaman rock form thing again? That was stupid.'" Aang looked sad as he told me these things, but he soon started smiling again.

"And of course," he continued, "there were the thoughts of the person of my dreams...Haru."

I fainted, then awakened 10 minutes later to find Aang smiling at me. "Only kidding! Ha, you know I meant Katara."

With a sigh of relief, I asked him to go into specifics. And he replied, "Heck no! This is a K-rated story you're doing, right?" When I told him it was T, he smiled devilishly, and whispered something in my ear. I grinned, and asked him if I could follow his journey. No one would know, except him, of course. I could pull him aside when he was alone every once in a while. He agreed, as long as I promised not to interfere with the gang's journey.

"Seriously, if you ruin anything between Katara and me, you're done."

What follows is the events that I myself saw unfold on the journey through the Fire Nation. And it got fiery right away.

* * *

The stage is set! 302 Warped will be coming soon, I assure you. Reviews are awesome. ;D 


	2. The Headband, warped

Here we go, the story starts rolling now! I took into account the great amount of complaining that came from the aftermath of "The Headband." Many people (you know who you are) whined that Toph didn't get nearly enough lines. It's time to make up for this injustice!

...Well, maybe. We'll see. Let's begin...

* * *

-----The Headband, Warped----- 

A small cloud zoomed through the sky on a normal day in the far eastern region of the Fire Nation. It was moving much faster than a normal cloud usually did. Curious...

Sokka stared up at the cloud from the entrance of the cave that they would be hiding out in until it was time to move on. "Guys, why do you think that cloud is moving so fast?"

"Why is your brain moving so slow? It's probably just some strong wind," said Toph.

"Hmmm..." Sokka thought out loud. "Well, in any case, do you guys like this cave?"

"No," the rest of the gang responded.

"Too bad!" joked Sokka. "Get used to it! This cave has its charms anyway, right? Check the conveniently-placed turn in the back, should we need to make a dramatic earthbending getaway!"

Instead of bothering to respond, Katara looked at Aang and said, "Hey, we should go into town and get some food or something. Didn't you come around here 100 years back?"

"Well, yeah," said Aang. "I'm sure not much has changed, right? But we could use some disguises..."

A lightbulb went off in Sokka's head."Hey, I remember seeing some clothes hanging out to dry on the way to this cave. Let's go back and snag us some disguises!" They all agreed, and got on Appa to head over there.

* * *

A hooded male that looked to be about 16 slowly walked up to a large, ominous looking tower. A guard standing about 4 floors up on the tower saw this mysterious figure and shouted down to him: "Hey, who are you?" There was no response. Instead, the cloaked male just walked away. 

"Teens."

* * *

The gang arrived at the dirt field where the clothes previously hung. Previously, because, well, they weren't there anymore. 

"How did they all disappear so fast?" said Sokka.

"The owner must have taken them all down just before we came over," reasoned Toph.

"Well, this is just great. Where are we supposed to get disguises now?"

"Hey, you four!"

The gang froze in place, turning their heads very slowly to see a man looking at them strangely. "Just what are you four trying to pull?" he said.

As the kids stumbled over their words, trying to sort things out, the man slowly smiled.

"Only kidding! I'd recognize my own family when I saw them! Good to see you, Lee!"

"My name's Sok--"

"And look, my little niece is growing up so fast..."

"I'm not even a girl!" said Aang.

"Wow. I always knew you were rebellious, Choku, but did you really have to grow your hair out that much?"

Katara's eyebrows sizzled.

"And little Toph, still my favorite of them all."

"How in the heck did you know my n--"

"You all look exhausted. Let me go get you some fresh clothes, you've come so far to get here!" And with that, the man walked inside.

The gang was stunned, yet satisfied. With new disguises, they were free to explore the Fire Nation, so long as they didn't do anything stupid.

"Goodbye, kids! Nice to see you again!"

The four waved back as they walked away. When they made it around the corner, they started laughing their heads off.

* * *

The cloaked male walked through the corridors of the prison that he had visited the night before. When he came across the same guard that had questioned him last night, he pressed him against the wall. 

"You will not tell anyone I was here. Okay?"

"Um, sur--"

"I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM!!!" said the mysterious male. He slammed the guard against the wall with angry force this time. The guard fell silent.

"Good. No talking." He left the guard slumped over against the wall, and continued down the corridor until he came to an occupied prison cell. He opened it, and stood face-to-face with Zuko.

"Can't you see me and my uncle are talking here?" said Zuko. "Who the heck are you!?"

Haru took off his cloak. "You want to know who I am?"

"Yes, that's what I asked," said Zuko, slightly puzzled.

"I'm sorry, but you won't live long enough to ans—AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Zuko had already torched Haru's fatally long hair while he was talking. Haru ran out of the prison, screaming.

"_What the hell was that?"_ Zuko thought to himself. He turned to face Iroh. "Now, are you gonna say anything or not?"

Iroh remained silent.

"Fine. I'll just keep selling your stuff on eBend, then." And with that, Zuko stormed out.

...Well, he stopped to grab Haru's cloak. It was pretty nice.

Then he stormed out.

* * *

After bringing their clothes back to the cave, Aang and Sokka dressed in the front of the cave, while the girls dressed in the back, behind Appa, who slept in the back of the cave. 

"Seriously, I'm telling you, meat is good! Really, think about it this way," said Sokka. "You've got about 60 billion Fire Nation bad guys trying to take you out. Is anyone gonna stop the animals who try to feed off your remains?"

"Nice thought," said Aang with an annoyed stare. "Anyway, that's all fine because of two things. One: no one's gonna take me out. And two: that's their decision. My decision is to let creatures live and stick to veggies. They can eat all the animals they want, I'm not going to stop them. But I'm not going to join them either."

"Sigh...Okay, fine, I can't change your mind. Geez, never met a guy who was so anti-BBQ sauce...mumble mumble"

Aang smiled and took off his red cape, revealing his bandages.

Katara peeked out from behind Appa after dressing herself. _"Geez, he's so hot..." _she thought. _"Why won't he just come out and say anything? I know he wants to...maybe I should say it?"_

"No," said Toph.

"Huh?" Katara said, startled.

"Let me guess, you're watching Aang get dressed, and you're questioning your strategy right now. Should you tell him, or keep him waiting?"

"No, of course not! Why would I think something like--"

"Keep teasing him."

"...You think so?"

"I know so. I'm Toph, you should trust me with these things. It'll be fun." Toph smiled.

"Thanks, Toph." Katara grinned devilishly now. She knew what came next. She walked out to show her new outfit to Aang. As she called his name, she tripped and fell on her face, to the delight of the boys. They began laughing hysterically, rolling all over the ground of the cave, bellies clutched, roaring. Toph smiled and chuckled. Katara got up, face fully red, and stormed out of the cave.

"ARE YOU ALL COMING TO TOWN WITH ME, OR WHAT!?"

The three followed her out, smiling from ear to ear.

As they walked into town, Aang addressed the rest of the gang. "I used to come here 100 years ago with my friend Kuzon. Just follow my lead. And Katara, don't fall on your face again," Aang said, chuckling. Sokka busted a gut, and Katara smacked him in the head.

"Ouch!"

"Just follow Aang," said Katara.

They strolled through the town with calls of "Greetings, hotman" until they came to a pub-type place, similar to the one they had found in the desert of the Earth Kingdom. "You guys go on ahead," said Aang. "I'm gonna...explore."

"Suit yourself," said Toph. The three sat down to have a fruit drink, while Aang roamed around the town. After a few minutes, he came across an interesting looking building. The door opened, so Aang walked inside. He proceeded down a hall, with doors on either side, until he eventually came to a door with sound coming from behind it. _"What do I have to lose?"_ thought Aang. He opened the door to find a fairly old, strict-looking lady dressed in Fire Nation attire.

"And just what are you doing wandering the halls of the school at this time of day?" said the lady.

"School? I mean, yeah, school! Oh, I'm sorry ma'am, I'm not sure. Must've forgotten where I was again." A few of the kids in the class chuckled.

"Hmmm...I would expect nothing less of a new student. Just what is your name, child?"

"Well, you could call me sexy."

(KIDDING! Only kidding. Scratch that. :D)

"Well, my name is Kuzon. Yeah, that."

"Okay, Kuzon, sit down, please. Welcome to the class."

After school let out for the day, Aang walked through the front yard of the school. Kids were running back and forth, playing tag and other games.

"Hello," said a girl.

"Who? Huh?" said Aang. "Oh, hi!"

"You're the new guy, right? My name's On Ji, and it's very nice to meet you, Kuzon," said the girl with the slightest blush.

"_Oh heck, another Meng. I am not getting into this one again," _thought Aang. "Were you in my class? I didn't notice. I was a little nervous on my first day. You might have been able to tell," joked Aang.

"Ha, yeah, you were pretty strange. But I like that, you seem like a nice guy."

"_Ah, what am I doing? Gotta be more careful," _thought Aang, slightly panicky. "Hey, is that a panda lily garden over there?" he said, trying desperately to distract her.

"Why yes, it is!" said On Ji. "You like panda lilies too? Let's walk over there!"

"_Oh, screw this." _Aang couldn't help but feel for the girl, though. He had noticed that her only friend was a jock who acted like a huge jerk, probably her boyfriend. "Um, sure...okay," said Aang. He slowly smiled.

The two had a very nice time, and On Ji started to grow on Aang. She wasn't another Meng at all. Meng was a stalker; On Ji was genuinely nice. So he thought it was okay to bring her back to his place—well, cave.

"WHO IS SHE!?!?" roared Sokka.

"This is On Ji," said Aang. "She's my friend."

"May I have a word with you?" said Sokka to Aang.

"Why, sure, Sokka. Excuse me, On Ji." The two walked back to the rear of the cave, while the three girls sat around the fire near the entrance.

"So," said Katara, "your name is On Ji, huh?"

"Yes, I got it from my mother."

"I bet," mumbled Katara.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What were you thinking!? How could you go to a Fire Nation school?" demanded Sokka.

"Look, I already told you, I'm gathering information. And this girl is fine, she doesn't know anything. But you guys have to call me Kuzon while she's around, okay?"

"Well...yeah, sure. What are you trying to do, make Katara jealous or something?"

"No! Of course not! I just...well, it's a little embarassing..." Aang proceeded to whisper something into Sokka's ear.

"That's all?" Sokka said.

"Well, yeah. I've always had trouble with that kind of thing."

The two laughed, and went back to join the girls, smiling.

* * *

Zuko, wearing the cloak that he snagged last night, went back to the prison tower to visit his uncle. When he reached the cell, he noticed that Iroh had not moved one inch from where he was sitting the night before. 

"...Are you awake?" said Zuko.

Iroh didn't respond.

"...Grrr, what is wrong with my family..." said Zuko, ironically. He walked back out.

Iroh continued sitting and thinking of the good times he had back in the winter, when pretty ladies would wreck his nephew's boat with exotic creatures.

What, you thought he was ignoring Zuko on purpose?

* * *

Aang arrived home with On Ji arm-in-arm for the third night in a row. Katara was thoroughly ticked by now, and would not even look at the pair, or Sokka for that matter. Something was going on, and she was determined to find out what. 

"Hey, Sokka, can I talk to you?" said Katara.

"Sure, what's up, Faceplant?"

"Shut up. Do you have any idea why Aang—I mean, Kuzon keeps bringing that girl home?"

"Nah, not a clue," said Sokka, avoiding the question.

"Hmmm...that's too bad. I finally managed to get Toph to agree to go to town with you tomorrow, but I could tell her that she doesn't have to..."

"He's trying to make you jealous, he's just messing with you."

"...Oh. That was easy. Thanks, Sokka. Why do you want to go shopping so bad with her, anyway? Couldn't you just go by yourself?"

"Well, I could," said Sokka, "but a guy gets lonely, you know? To tell you the truth, I'm sick of losing every girl that I lock lips with. I figure Toph's a tough girl, so I couldn't possibly lose her, right? And she's really starting to grow on me. I can't exactly explain it, but--"

"Whoa, Romeo, okay, I gotcha, don't go any further, thanks. You enjoy your Toph-time tomorrow."

"Thanks, sis." Sokka went to the back of the cave to contemplate tomorrow's perfect day.

"Now, where's those two..." Katara walked outside the cave, where Toph was lying on a rock.hey, Toph, where the heck did Aang and On Ji go?"

"They didn't tell you? They're going to get the kids from school. We're having a cave dance party tonight! Not very suspicious, right?" said Toph, with a sarcastic look on her face.

"WHAAAAAAAAT!?!?"

* * *

Zuko walked into Iroh's cell again. He was going to try to get through to this crazy old man, one last time. 

"Uncle, I need your help. I'm confused. I don't know where else to turn. I have everything I need, but I just can't figure it out! Why can't you help me?"

Iroh remained silent.

"FINE! I'LL JUST FAIL ALGEBRA, THEN! WHEN THE ROYAL FIRE LORD ACCOUNT ISN'T BALANCED, THERE'LL BE HELL TO PAY!!!"

Iroh grinned, but continued to face away from Zuko, silent.

"AUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Zuko let out an inferno, quite literally, as he stormed out.

* * *

Aang had gone ahead of the crowd to help the gang prepare the cave for the party. As the four got things ready, Katara glanced over at Aang. She was determined to not let Aang win this little fight. 

"Katara, you're awful tense. Is something wrong?" said Toph.

"No, I'm fine."

"Okay," said Toph, smiling. She knew something was up, but she kept it to herself. Katara would blurt it out to her soon enough. But now, she noticed a big vibration coming nearer.

"They're coming!" said Toph. "Stop bending!"

The four took their places as the crowd arrived, with On Ji at the front. Aang took a deep breath and made his dramatic entrance onto the dance floor: "Ladies and gentlemen...The Flamios!!!"

...crickets

"_Geez, I had to pay big money for this band..." _"What's wrong, everyone?"

One of the Fire Nation kids spoke up. "Kuzon, maybe things were different back in the colonies, but we don't dance here."

"Of course you do!" said Aang. "Look, I'll show you. 100 years ago, this was known as the Camelephant Strut." Aang jumped left and right, alternating feet while moving his hands, slowly working his way forward. When he reached the crowd, he tumbled smoothly and rose up, coming within a breath of On Ji. He did a dramatic backwards flip to finish, and the crowd went nuts.

Toph was impressed. "Who knew Twinkle Toes could dance?" she said to Katara. "Hmmm," Katara shrugged as she drank her fruit drink, slightly annoyed at Aang.

"Is there anything wrong?" asked Toph, smiling a little.

"No, nothing. I'll be right back, Toph."

"Suit yourself," said Toph.

Katara walked over to where On Ji was. "Hey, On Ji?" said Katara.

"Oh, hi Katara. Are you enjoying the dance?"

"Well, yeah. I wanted to ask you something, actually."

"Sure, what is it?"

"Hey, wanna dance?"

Aang came out of nowhere, interrupting. He extended his hand to the two girls. "Either of you two wanna dance with me?"

Katara thought nervously. _"Just what is he up to?"_ she thought to herself. _"Maybe I should tell him how I feel. This On Ji girl is making things complicated. Yeah, I'll just dance with Aang now, make him happy, and maybe he'll finally confess to me later."_

"Hey Kuzon, I'll dance with..."

Aang was already doing the Ba Sing Se shuffle on the dance floor with On Ji. Katara blushed and looked defeated, as she walked back to the table where Toph and Sokka were talking.

"Hey sis, what's wrong? Enjoy the dance! Check out Aang and that girl, don't they look good together?"

"Meh."

"Hey, Toph," Sokka said.

"Yeah, Sokka?"

"Can you come outside with me for a second? I need to ask you something."

"Why can't you ask her right here?" Katara asked.

"Because, it's not meant for your ears," Sokka said. Toph smiled.

"Fine!" Katara just buried her head in her arms.

"Okay, let's go," said Sokka.

Aang got the room to start freestyling, but as he was enjoying himself, he turned his head back to Katara, who had her head buried in her arms. Aang wondered what could possibly be wrong, and as he wondered, he got the best idea he ever had. A grin crept over his face, and he excused himself from the dance with On Ji. On Ji hardly noticed, as she was having so much fun with everyone else.

Katara felt a tap on her shoulder, and she responded. "Go away."

"Katara."

"...Aang?"

Katara looked up to see Aang holding out his hand to her, offering a dance. She smiled, but it quickly faded. Aang wondered what was wrong, but Katara spoke before he could.

"Sorry Aang, I can't dance with you."

"But why not?"

"...I just can't."

Aang was crushed. Was it something he had said or done? Was she still mad about the faceplant thing?

"Excuse me," said Katara. She got up and walked outside to join Toph and Sokka.

Aang was baffled and his heart was crushed. His best friend, his love, who he hoped to spend the rest of his life with, had turned him down. He didn't know what to do.

"Everyone, the dance is over. Thanks for coming."

"Aww, why, Kuzon? We were just starting to--"

"Please, you've got to go now. Thank you for coming, everyone."

The kids left, thoroughly satisfied with the dance. They had a new outlook on life, and maybe now they could be a little more free.

Aang, meanwhile, started packing up everything on Appa. When he finished, Sokka and Toph came inside the cave, arm-in-arm, looking at Aang.

"Hey, what's up with you two?" asked Aang.

"Can't you tell, Twinkle Toes?" said Toph. "Me and Sokka...we're together now. He told me how he really felt about me, and I couldn't be happier. Plus, now I get to boss him around that much more!"

(Notice: Toph badassery +1! ;D)

"Really? That's great! Awesome..."

"Aang, what's wrong?" said Sokka.

"Nothing, nothing. You guys ready to go?"

"Sure...where's Katara, anyway?"

"Didn't you see her outside, dummy?" said Toph, punching Sokka in the shoulder.

"O-oh, yeah, right," said Sokka, blushing slightly. He smiled as the three of them led Appa outside the cave.

Katara was sitting on the enemy birds' rock, looking out at the water. As Sokka and Toph climbed on Appa together, Aang went over to Katara.

"Katara, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"There's gotta be something wrong. Why wouldn't you dance with me? It's not like you. I thought we were friends..."

"Aang."

"Ye--"

Katara hugged Aang, placing her head on his shoulder, and whispering in his ear, "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. It's just that...that girl you brought here..."

"On Ji? Oh yeah, she was helping me with my homework."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, I'm terrible at math."

"Wow." Katara backed off of Aang and looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't dance with you, Aang. Would you forgive me?"

"Of course, Katara. I lo—I mean, we're still friends, together until the end." Aang smiled.

"Great! Ready to go?"

"Sure, just hold on a second. I left something in the cave."

"Sure, we'll be waiting."

* * *

Aang walked to the very back of the cave, where I sat waiting. 

"Hey, how's it going, Aang? Nice recovery out there. I was wondering what the heck Katara was thinking myself."

"Yeah, I was really sad, but it was all a misunderstanding. I knew it would be bad getting involved with another girl...never shoulda mentioned those panda lilies."

"I know, right? So, the obvious questions...when are you gonna tell the girl!?"

"Oh, well, see, um, I'm thinking about it, man! I was trying to be smooth, asking her for a dance, and then I would've told her! But I'm sure it'll come up soon enough, just be patient. Geez, you and you impatient Kataangers..."

"What did you say?"

"Oh, nothing." He smiled.

"Can I share your KO dream with the people yet?"

"Nah, I don't think they're ready. You didn't even mention much T-rated stuff in this chapter yet. Where's the references to awkward teens? I think you're slipping..."

"So should I refer to you as an awkward teen from now on then, Aang?" I asked with a smile.

"Ha, I see. Hey, you do what you think is best, and I'll try to keep the people entertained. To all of you ladies out there that think I'm hot: that's all fine, just don't get let down when I finally kiss Katara."

"Oooh, is that a guarantee?"

"Hmmm..." Aang smiled.

"Well, no one in the Fire Nation has anything against a chubby dude with a green shirt, so I'll just hoof it to the next destination," I said.

"Okay, I'll meet you there! We'll probably be flying kinda fast...I think Sokka said something about a schedule, so I'll try to leave you a trail to follow."

"Gotcha, thanks Aang."

"Not a problem! And stop staring at Katara, she's mine."

I laughed.

"I'm serious."

* * *

Aang got on Appa's back, and the gang rode off to the west, continuing on their quest to restore peace to the world. 

(Phew! Made it through a whole story without mentioning that little flying lemur. Wait, this isn't the author's notes? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Curse you Momo, I will avoid you next time.)

End :D

* * *

A/N: How about that Zuko/Aang parallel? Never before has algebra been so powerful. ;) 

And wow, Tokka came on kind of quick. I'll try my best to have fun with this one.

Hope you all liked, read and review, can't think of anything else to say, so see you for "The Painted Lady, Warped!" :D


	3. The Painted Lady, warped

Hello hello! Time for round three, and we're finally getting to the good stuff. Just to let you know, anything I expect an informed 13 year old to know could show up in this story. That's why it's rated T. Just saying. wink Also, I took some inspiration from my own initial reaction at "The Painted Lady." Seriously...well, you'll see.

As a side note, thanks in advance for the reviews...really, it's more effective when it's an official review, not some PM on a forum site. You know who you are. :P But I guess I can't stop you, so do what you think is best.

Finally, I know we've been lacking a big fight scene, so just to make you all happy...there won't be one in this chapter. Hahaha!

Truthfully, this one starts a little slow, but keep chugging through and you'll get something special. wink

Now, on to the show!

* * *

I thanked the shopkeeper for the food and set off down the road, depressed. I had lost the gang. The story was done, finished. It was just getting good, too. 

Then, a white clump of fur. Sweet.

"Thanks, Aang."

As I continued walking down the trail, it led to the side of a cliff overlooking a beach. It was a beautiful sight, but as I looked out at the sunset, I could have sworn I saw a figure speeding ahead, treading the water so gracefully, and eventually disappearing ahead, over the horizon.

Who the heck could this be, and where were they going?

* * *

-----The Painted Lady, Warped----- 

The kids cruised down the polluted river on Appa. Aang was messing around with Momo, going in and out of the muddy water; Katara looked bored; and Toph was lying down with her hands behind her head. Sokka was acting funny, though...he was constantly moving a long, LONG piece of parchment back and forth, looking it over. It was covered in different colors, and it looked complicated, intimidating even.

"Sokka, what are you doing?" Katara asked.

"Working...schedule," he muttered.

"Seriously, Sokka, you should take it easy," said Aang. "We'll make it in time, I'm sure of it. What could possibly go wrong?"

"DON'T SAY THAT!" yelled Sokka. "Aang, you know something's gonna happen now! Something always happens..."

Aang shrugged and continued playing with Momo until a town came into view.

"Hey, what's that?"

The town looked as if it were built on sticks itself, but there was some solid ground nearby, where the gang decided to camp. Aang covered Appa with a big sheet of moss, and the gang decided to head into town to see what was going on. Sokka was against this detour, but the others didn't really care.

As they came up to the edge of the hill overlooking the town in the middle of the river, an old man called down to them from below. "Hey, need a ride?"

"Who are you?" said Katara to the man.

"My name's Dock, and I run the ferry to and from the town. C'mon, hop in!"

The four shrugged and went along for the ride. As they reached town, Katara started to notice that everyone walking around seemed extremely sad.

Dock seemed to read Katara's mind. "Our town used to be a great fishing village, but ever since the Fire Nation put a factory in, the river has been dead and unclean." He said this as he pointed up to the top of a nearby cliff, where a huge factory loomed. "They take all of our medicine and food, leaving us with little for ourselves."

"_Terrible,"_ thought Katara to herself. _"I wish there was something I could do..."_

The gang walked around town, looking everywhere and seeing nothing but unhappy people wherever they looked.

Katara couldn't stand it anymore. "We need to do something to help these people," she said.

Sokka frowned. "No, we can't waste any time here. We've got a more important mission we need to be focused on."

"How could you turn your back on all of these starving people? You're heartless!"

"Look, you always want to help everyone you see in trouble, but we just can't do that. I'm just being realistic. Once we take out the Fire Lord, everyone will be happ—aaaah!"

The rickety wooden dock beneath Sokka gave way, and he fell into the nasty river.

"Well, that's just as good. Sokka, you can't go around telling everyone that we plan on killing their leader!" Toph exclaimed.

"Oh yeah. Well, anyway, Katara, be reasonable. We just don't have enough time to help everyone."

"...I guess." Katara finally gave up.

"Let's just get what we need and get the heck out of here," said Aang.

Well, they would have gotten what they needed, except for the fact that all the food either looked sludgy or had more than one head. (Or sometimes less than one head.) The shopkeeper, Xu, oddly resembled someone they had met before, but only Aang seemed to notice.

"Yeah, we haven't had much of anything good to eat ever since the factory was built. But we all pray that 'The Painted Lady' will come one day to fulfill our wishes."

"Who's 'The Painted Lady?'" asked Aang.

"She's the spirit around these parts. We call her 'The Painted Lady' because her face is painted with a beautiful pattern. But she hasn't come around as of late."

Everyone was silent for a few seconds, until Xu broke it.

"Hey, last chance to buy these great looking fish!"

They decided to pass and hope they wouldn't starve.

They walked back to camp as night fell. Toph made her earth tent and went to sleep kind of early, and Aang followed suit. (No, not in the same tent. :P) Sokka laid down and pretended to sleep, waiting for Katara to sleep. But Katara had no such thing in mind. She walked away, behind a rock. Sokka saw this and followed, but by the time he got around the rock, Katara had already vanished.

"Well, it's not what I expected, but it's better than nothing. She's gone." Sokka hurried over to where Aang was sleeping and started shaking him, trying to wake him up.

* * *

The mysterious figure finally reached her destination, hovering over the water with grace. She had a beautiful pattern painted across her face, and a large hat that covered her eyes. She approached the run down town from the sea, and went from house to house, looking inside each one, a blue glow shining wherever she went. When she had checked all of the houses, she decided to search the surrounding area, until she ran into Katara. 

"Oh my gosh, the Painted Lady is real!" exclaimed Katara.

"Uhhh, yes, I am 'The Painted Lady," said the girl in a ghostly voice. "Would you happen to know where a Water Tribe boy would happen to be in this village?"

"Why would you want to know about that? Shouldn't you be helping the village?" asked Katara with a suspicious glance.

"Well, you see, I..."

"...Suki!?"

Katara removed Suki's large hat to reveal "The Painted Lady" herself. Suki was busted.

* * *

"C'mon, Aang, help me out, buddy!" 

"Sokka, I don't know...this seems a little...weird."

"But I don't want to screw this up! Seriously, if things go right with Toph, I want the moment to be perfect. And you're the only one that can help, for obvious reasons."

"Well..." Aang thought it over. _"Hey, this could be good for me too! I'll be able to give Katara the best first kiss ever! This won't be so bad."_

"Okay, Sokka, let's do it. For you and Toph."

"Great! Okay, so, um..."

"Should I..."

"Well, I'll be me and you be Toph," said Sokka.

"Okay..." Aang tried to do his best impersonation of Toph. **"Snoozles, you're always so nice to me. Kiss me, my prince!"**

"TOPH DOESN'T ACT LIKE THAT!" yelled Sokka.

Aang began laughing very hard.

"Seriously Aang, if you don't want to be serious about this..."

"Okay, Sokka." Aang started over. **"Sokka, I can always tell you anything. You're such a spacehead, but...it's just another reason why...I love you."**

"Um...thanks, A—I mean, Toph," said Sokka with a smile.

Aang looked at Sokka with those big puppy dog eyes. Sokka smiled and blushed a little. Sokka took Aang around the neck, and reeled Aang in, eyes closed...Aang shut his eyes and did the same, lips out...

"You two are priceless," said Toph, standing a few feet away, sensing what was going on as Sokka and Aang's lips met. Sokka hit the ground like a 10-ton boulder, and Aang turned so red that my TV set broke.

(Wait, what?)

"Hey, what's going on? Why are you guys sneaking around at night? Shouldn't you be asleep?" said Katara, walking up with a stranger behind her.

"We could ask you the same thing," said Toph. "And why do I feel 5 people he--"

"SUKI!!!" Sokka exclaimed.

"Sokka, it's you!" said Suki with delight. They embraced and kissed for the first time in months. Aang wondered why Sokka had needed any practice in the first place as he watched in awe, and Katara smiled...but Toph looked genuinely ticked at this latest development.

"We thought you were dead, Suki! How did you get all the way here?" said Sokka.

Toph tried to interrupt. "Sokka--"

"Well, you see, we were losing the fight with that crazy blue fire chick and her friends, and they knocked us all unconscious. They took our warrior clothes and left us to die, but we managed to survive and make it to a nearby town."

"Sokka--"

"After we heard that Ba Sing Se was overthrown a few days later, I knew you guys would be heading to the Fire Nation. So I worked my way west along the northern coast, scouring every town I came across. When I heard about the dance party, I knew I was close--"

"SOKKA, WHAT THE HECK!?" Toph finally got through.

"Oh, um, oh geez, well, Suki, I need to talk to you for a minute. Come with me." Sokka took Suki by the hand and they walked away to talk privately.

"Hey Aang, maybe you should try those moves out on Katara when you get the chance," Toph shot as she walked away, annoyed, yet still fully capable of sarcasm.

"Aang, what are these moves that she's talking about?"

"Well, you see, Sokka, and then, and he wanted practice, and--"

"WHAT!?!?"

Aang realized the danger of this statement. "Oh! No, that's not what I meant--"

"I can't believe this has been going on for so long! I'm telling Suki!" And with that, Katara went off to find the reunited couple.

Aang sat on a rock to contemplate his humorous existence.

* * *

Katara stormed through camp to find Sokka and Suki. Toph was laying with her hands behind her head, and asked where she was off to in such a hurry. Well, it was more like this: 

"Hot date?"

"Shut up, Toph. I'm off to ask Sokka what's going on between him and Aang."

Toph was hysterical.

"What's so funny?"

"Calm down, Sugar Queen, you've got it all wrong. They were practicing their kissing, Aang for you, and Sokka for me. Or so I thought," she said, now looking mad again.

"Oh. Well, that explains a lot. Okay then." Katara sat down to go to sleep. As she began to close her eyes, she realized exactly what Toph had said.

"_Wait, he was practicing...for me?" _was her last thought before sleep enveloped her.

* * *

"So you see, Suki, I'm kind of with Toph now. I'm really sorry. I thought you were..." 

"There's no need to be sorry," said Suki with a sad look on her face. "Just do me one favor."

"Anything for you, Suki."

"Let me travel with you."

"...Are you sure?"

"Yes, I want to do whatever I can to help you and your friends in your quest."

"You're so nice, Suki. Of course you can come with us."

They hugged, and got up to return to camp. _"And of course, you will be mine, Sokka. Toph isn't gonna stop me from having you," _thought Suki to herself.

"Is something wrong?" asked Sokka.

"No, I'm just fine," said Suki with a smile.

* * *

Morning came, and with Suki in tow, they got on Appa and continued to the west, moving ever closer to the capital. 

Oh yeah, they blew up that factory and cleaned the river, too.

* * *

I came out from behind a rock and watched Appa fly away, off toward their next eventual destination. With the river cleaned, I finally got a decent fish sandwich from Xu, and set on foot to follow the gang again.

* * *

Zuko stood in the industrial district of the nation's capital. A strange hooded man approached him. 

"You came alone?" Zuko asked. The man nodded.

"Do whatever you have to do. Find the Avatar...and kill him."

Combustion Man nodded, his hood falling back to reveal his third eye.

"Oh, and bring me an article of clothing from the Waterbending girl. Any article will do, but I think you know what I have in mind."

End :D

* * *

Ooooh, perverted Zuko, anyone? Hmmm, well, halfway to Zutara, eh? Cubie shot 

Yeah, a bit shorter than the last, but I know you liked that big ol' twist. Seriously, as I watched "The Painted Lady" live, I thought she was Suki, but it turned out to be Katara. So I re-enacted my imagination in this story.

And of course, I had to satisfy the few Sokkaang readers. You owe me a review for that kiss. Just saying.

And of course of course, I had to throw in the hiring of Sparky Sparky Boom Man, because I forgot it in Chapter 2. So no harm, no foul, right?

Sokka's Master should be interesting with Suki in tow, no? Look forward to "Sokka's Master, warped," coming soon to a fanfic near you :D


	4. Sokka's Master, warped

Welcome back! I had someone laughing into their pillow last chapter, and I'm taking that as both a compliment and as inspiration. This, of course, is Sokka's Master. I have to have a fight scene this time, so action hounds get their fill. And this was the first big Tokka chapter, wasn't it? Ah, this should be a good one.

This was probably my favorite episode so far in Book 3 (as of the US airing of 307), partially because of a certain someone I will refer to as "Beast Mode Iroh." :D I was going nuts when I saw Iroh at the end of this episode, so I'll try my best to have fun with that.

Jealous Suki is a bit difficult to write. This chapter could end up getting very messy. Hmmm...

This one tends to get slow in the middle, but keep chugging and you'll get a good finish, I promise. ;D This one tends to show off the romance side of the warped series.

Now, on with the show!

* * *

I fed the last piece of my fish sandwich to an enemy bird as I walked along in the twilight. It was a beautiful night: the sky overhead was a great shade of purple and blue, and shooting stars abounded. A particularly big one was moving at a very speedy pace. It was getting bigger, in fact.

"What the--"

The meteorite collided with the ground, making a relatively small thud several miles away. Someone out there had to like me, because I now had a target. I knew the gang would be near the impact site.

After all, what normal group of people would pass up the chance to put out a flaming hot meteor?

* * *

--Sokka's Master, Warped--

There was a beautiful night sky overhead as the gang landed for the evening. They settled down against a rock to take in the gorgeous sight of shooting stars overhead.

"Wow, Toph, isn't this amazing?"

"Yes, Sokka, your voice sounds fantastic!" Toph responded, sarcastically.

"I wasn't talking about my...oh, yeah."

Sokka felt stupid, and put his arm around Toph, pulling her closer. "Well then, I guess I'll have to tell you what it looks like."

"That would be nice," said Toph, half-sarcastic, yet secretly half-grateful. It was good to know that her boyfriend wasn't getting sucked back to the Kyoshi warrior, and instead cared enough to describe the beautiful night to her. She smiled as Sokka proceeded to describe the sky to her.

Of course, this didn't go unnoticed.

"_Makes me sick," _thought Suki to herself. _"I disappear for a couple months, and some mud-loving blind girl steals my man. I will get him back, somehow."_

"Katara, isn't this beautiful?" asked Aang, inching a bit closer to Katara.

"Yes, Aang, it's amazing."

Aang continued as he kept inching closer and closer. "You know, 100 years ago, I never got to see all of these beautiful things. I feel almost spoiled living in this century. These shooting stars, the northern lights, and..."

"And?" Katara was interested now.

"Well, y--"

"Whoa, everyone, look!" Sokka interrupted. A giant meteor shot overhead and impacted the ground nearby, causing a shockwave to ripple beneath the gang's feet.

"Look, the conveniently placed town nearby is going to be burnt to the ground!" yelled Aang. "We have to cool off the meteorite before the fire spreads!"

Katara and Toph nodded and shot into action. Katara proceeded to bend water from the nearby creek onto the fiery rock, while Toph and Aang used earthbending to make a trench, preventing the fire from spreading.

Sokka called out to Aang. "Aang, how can we help?"

"Um...oh, watch Momo!"

"Yeah, okay," Sokka responded, sounding slightly depressed. He stood with Suki, watching the raging flames, as Momo buzzed around.

Suki saw this as her golden opportunity. "Sokka, I'm so sorry. I know you want to help..."

This seemed to chip away at Sokka even more. He lowered his head and said, "Yeah."

"You know, you're not completely worthless."

"Hey, I'm no--"

"You are protecting me."

Sokka perked up a little. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Thank you, Sokka." Suki looked into Sokka's infinitely deep eyes.

"Suki..."

Sokka moved in on Suki twice as fast as he did on Aang. They locked lips and held the kiss for what seemed like an eternity.

...Well, it was pretty long. Ten mintues later, the gang had put out the fire and were standing, watching the two go at it. Toph could sense how close they were, and it didn't take her long to figure things out. She quickly earthbended the ground beneath Sokka, sending him flying.

"Yeah, that better not happen again," Toph stated.

* * *

Iroh sat in his cell, waiting. Just waiting. His prison guard finally came with food, and he began to gobble it down like an animal.

"Pathetic," sounded the guard. And with that, the guard simply left in disgust.

Once Iroh knew he was gone, he whipped out his iPhone and started watching UK spoilers on YouTube.

"WHAT!? Are you serious? I can't believe that he's gonna--"

The guard heard this commotion and walked back to the cell. Iroh heard his footsteps and began acting like an insane person, screaming random curse words and cookbook recipes.

"You crazy old man."

* * *

Morning finally came, and the gang finally got something decent to eat in the town that they had saved just the night before. Aang, Katara, Toph, and Suki sat at a table outside on an elevated balcony. Sokka sat alone, legs hanging over the edge, head down in thought.

Katara finally chimed in. "Sokka, what's wrong?"

"Last night, when you all saved this town from the fire...All of you have these amazing powers, but I feel so worthless. I can't do anything."

"You protected me--"

"Sokka, that's not true," said Aang. "Without you, who would make us laugh with funny jokes? You're the only one that can do that. I'm terrible at it. I mean, c'mon, look at Katara's hair, huh? What's up with that?" Aang took Katara's hair in his hand as he spoke.

"What's wrong with my hair!?" Katara sounded panicked.

"No, Katara, I was just trying to prove a point--"

"It's okay, guys. You don't have to try. The bottom line is, no matter what I do, I'll never have these incredible powers that you guys have.

"Hello, you protected me--"

"Hey, Sokka, I know what would cheer you up," said Katara.

Sokka looked over his shoulder at her. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

* * *

"SHOPPING!!"

Sokka was absolutely delighted. They had come to one of the finer weapon shops in the Fire Nation, and everywhere he looked, he saw nothing but broadswords, spears, katanas, every weapon he could think of, as well as armor. He instantly started trying some out, mostly to comical results. Suki looked on, Toph standing next to her.

"Sokka, you're so manly with weapons," said Suki.

"_What does that even mean?" _thought Toph._ "I hope this girl doesn't think I'm some kind of idiot; she's obviously trying to steal Sokka. Well, two can play at that game."_

On the other side of the store, Katara was trying on some gloves.

"Hey, Katara, look at this!"

"What's that, Aangoh my GOD! What are you wearing!?"

Aang had almost nothing on, except for some black speedo-like underwear with little balls of pink flames all over them. Let's just say the flame balls were in some very...suggestive places.

"Aang, take those off!"

"Oka--"

"Wait, forget that. Just go put your clothes back on, geez."

"_Darn, I thought for sure that she would like those," _thought Aang.

"_I hope I never forget that image," _thought Katara.

Meanwhile, Sokka had nearly maimed himself, the two girls, and the shopkeeper while testing out weapons. The shopkeeper had finally had enough of this.

"Kid, either stop trying or get out of my store! Geez, you sure could use some training from Master Piandao..."

"What did you say?" asked Sokka. "Who's this master you're talking about?" The gang converged on the shopkeeper to hear what he had to say.

"Master Piandao is a legendary swordsman and swordmaker. He made this sword right here," said the shopkeeper, pointing to a beautifully crafted sword mounted on the wall.

"Oooh, that's so nice..." Sokka was close to drooling.

"Hey, that's what you need, Sokka!" exclaimed Aang.

"Aang, I already saw the underwear, there's no way in he--"

"No, I meant Piandao! You should ask him to train you to be a better swordsman!"

"Aang, that's a great idea!" said Katara. "Sokka, you've gotta do it."

"You guys really want me to?"

The gang nodded in unison.

"Oh, you guys are so nice...It would be nice to have a master." Sokka was elated. He was finally going to feel useful.

"AANG, PUT THE UNDERWEAR BACK!!"

* * *

Iroh was still in shock from the spoilers he'd seen. He was set to log onto ASN and do some serious flaming, but he calmed himself and thought of how he could better spend his time.

He had an idea.

He had a plan.

He started doing push-ups.

* * *

Sokka left the gang behind at camp to travel to Piandao's rather large, mansion-like house. He grabbed the golden dragon knockers and began banging on the door with them, until a good sized man answered the door.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, I'm here to ask Master Piandao if I can train with him," Sokka said.

"You should know, the master refuses just about everyone," said the man. "Did you bring a gift?"

"Um, well...my smiling face?" Sokka put on a wide grin.

The man was not amused. He simply sighed and said, "Let's get this over with."

He led Sokka through the main door into the courtyard, then through another door. A few hallways later, they arrived at the master's room. The man, who Sokka assumed was Piandao's servant, stood near the entrance of the room. It almost seemed as if he was waiting for Sokka's attempt to fail so he could lead the boy out.

Sokka's eyes fell on Piandao, whose back was turned. He appeared to be writing something down on a piece of paper.

Sokka knew what he wanted to say, and he sounded very serious.

"Master, my name is Sokka, and I wish to be instructed in the art of the sword."

"Sokka, hmmm?" Piandao responded. "That's an awesome name. I'll train you."

"Well, you se—wait, what!?"

"Seriously, you'd probably make a good swordsman with a name like that. Let's get started."

"Um, okay..." Sokka was stunned, but he smiled. He would finally be useful like everyone else in the gang.

* * *

Katara and Aang sat back at camp, alone. Toph and Suki had gone off somewhere together, presumably to fight over "their man," leaving the two to contemplate the meaning of life, among other things.

Mostly other things.

"Yeah, you see..."

"Remember when..."

"Well, I was gonna say..."

"Okay, let's stop this," said Katara. "I want to tell you something, and you want to tell me something. So we'll just flip this gold coin," as she pulled a gold coin out of her bag, "and whoever's side it lands on will say what they want to say first. Okay?"

"Sure, I call the sea serpent," said Aang.

"Then I get the lemur," said Katara. "Ready?"

"Yeah, go for it," said Aang.

Katara flipped the coin up in the air, but it wasn't a clean flip. The coin traveled at an awkward angle, hitting a rock and bouncing down the hill, away from where camp was. The two ran after the coin, watching it roll as they ran, until they saw a rock up ahead. They stopped, and watched the coin continue on until it hit the rock. It wobbled a little, then steadied, still standing on its edge.

The two fell silent and turned to look at each other, thinking the same thing.

"_Damn."_

* * *

"Look, it's not my fault that you couldn't handle Azula!" yelled Toph. "You were gone, and you took your sweet time coming back. I love him, and he loves me, and you're just gonna have to deal with it or leave!"

"Ha, you really think he loves you?" Suki responded. "You're just a dirty, angry blind girl with an attitude. Sokka hasn't even kissed you yet, has he?"

"..."

"That's what I thought."

"That doesn't mean anything!" shot Toph. "What matters is that he told me that he loves me, and I feel the same way about him! Maybe he just hasn't had the chance to kiss me yet!"

"Look, it's obvious that you're losing your mind--"

"WHAT!?"

"--so here's the deal. If you think Sokka loves you so much, get him to say it in front of all of us when he gets back from training today."

"Sure! No problem, 'Painted Lady.' And then you'll finally realize who's really losing their mind." Toph stormed back to camp, leaving Suki by herself.

"_Ha, we'll see who's losing who's mind later this afternoon."_

* * *

Sokka stood in the courtyard of Piandao's house. It was large, with gardens and scenery everywhere. He was standing in a stone arena with the white lotus pattern painted on the surface. Piandao stood nearby, unsheathing a sword as he spoke.

"The most basic rule of swordsmanship is that you must think of your weapon not as a weapon, but as an extension of yourself," said Piandao matter-of-factly.

Sokka thought this over. "Oh, kinda like a second..."

"Second what?" said Piandao, raising an eyebrow.

"Never mind, continue."

"Anyway, you could also say it's kind of like an extra-long, really sharp arm," added Piandao. "The sword is a very simple tool, but in the hands of a master--"

"Like you?"

"Yes, like me. In the hands of a master, it becomes the most versatile of weapons. Just like your imagination, the possibilities of the sword are limitless."

Sokka grinned.

* * *

"Where's Suki?" asked Katara.

"Oh, she's off sulking about Sokka being my boyfriend," said Toph.

Aang cringed.

"Oh, well, what do you guys want to do now?" said Katara.

"I don't know. Sokka's usually the one keeping us entertained," said Aang.

"And he's the one with the schedule. I couldn't understand that thing to save my life, so I don't know what we should do," added Katara.

"Yeah, and it's so hot today," Toph stated.

In a Match Game-esque attempt to get some fun going, Aang said comically, "How hot is it?"

"I don't know...real hot?" said Toph.

"Oooh, I know," said Katara. "It, it's so hot, that...that Momo is shedding like Appa! Huh?"

Aang quickly regretted his attempt. "I guess the jokes don't run in the family."

"Oh, everyone's a critic," Katara stated.

Silence fell over the gang.

"_I know how hot it is. It's as hot as Katara," _thought Aang. He grinned devilishly at the mental images.

"What's so funny?" Katara noticed his smile. "Tell us!"

"Um, nothing, I was just thinking about when Sokka was trying to give us a cool name," said Aang, quickly trying to escape the trap he'd set for himself.

"Yeah, those were funny times," Toph stated, backing Aang's lie up.

"Oh, yeah, they were." Katara sighed and laid back down.

Toph snickered as she felt Aang's heartbeat slowly retreat to a normal level.

* * *

Iroh continued his intense workout in the small cell, hanging upside down from the top bars, doing curls as the Rocky theme played.

(Wait, no Rocky theme back then. Scratch that.)

* * *

Sokka and Piandao had gone back inside to where they first met, where Piandao's calligraphy equipment still lay on the table.

"Warriors need to practice a variety of arts to keep their mind sharp and fluid," Piandao explained to Sokka. "The first of these you will learn is calligraphy." He extended a paintbrush to Sokka. "Write your name."

Sokka took the brush in his hand, looking at it with a quirky face. "Writing my name will help me become a better swordsman?"

"When you write your name, you stamp your identity on the paper. You must learn to use your sword to stamp your identity on a battlefield."

"_What a load," _thought Sokka. He dipped the brush in the ink and as he was about to touch it to the paper, Piandao interrupted. "Remember, you cannot take back the stroke of a brush, as you cannot take back the swing of a sword."

Sokka tensed and got very nervous. He put the tip of the brush to his chin to think about it more carefully.

"You're getting ink on your face," Piandao stated.

"I am?"

Sokka then got a great idea. "This is about putting my identity on the page, right?" Piandao nodded. Sokka took the brush and painted all over his face, then pressed his face onto the paper and rolled his head, creating a very wide, distorted face.

Piandao shook his head. "I was telling you that you had ink on your face for a reason," he said. "The ink has a special chemical in it that stains even the skin."

"You mean..."

"Yeah, you're gonna have ink on your face for a few days."

Sokka faceplanted.

* * *

It was time for Sokka's first attempt at using a sword. He had a wooden one for practice now, and he was up against the butler from earlier. Both he and the butler had leather armor covering vital points of the upper body.

Sokka saw the butler sniffle, and he took his chance. He lunged and missed, and the butler whacked the sword out of his hand while his momentum carried him forward. He was weaponless as the butler held him at swordpoint.

"Crap." Sokka ran as the butler whacked him.

(With the sword, pervs.)

* * *

Piandao blindfolded Sokka and led him into a field. Near the end of the field was a tall cliff overlooking a beautiful river that led to a waterfall. He faced Sokka toward the waterfall and explained.

"Landscape painting teaches a warrior to hold the lay of the land in his mind. A good warrior knows where he is at all times."

And with that, Piandao took off the blindfold. Sokka's eyes adjusted, and what they saw was breathtaking. He smiled wide, but the master abruptly turned Sokka's head the other way and sat him down.

"Now, paint it."

Sokka found a brush, some parchment, and some paints in front of him. He looked over his shoulder, but the master turned his head back.

"No peeking."

Sokka thought for a moment, then got to work. When he finished, he showed it to Piandao, who proceeded to be amused. It looked like something a seven year old would do.

"You added a rainbow," Piandao said.

Sokka sounded worried. "Is that okay?"

Piandao sighed.

* * *

It was Sokka's second attempt at the butler. He had quite a few solid swipes and blocks, until the master called his name.

"Sokka?"

As Sokka looked up at the master, the butler spun around him and kicked him in the back, sending him flying.

"Concentrate on what you're doing."

Sokka looked annoyed.

* * *

"Rock gardening teaches the swordsman to manipulate his surroundings and use them to his advantage," Piandao explained, leading Sokka to the rock garden next to the fighting arena.

"My advantage..." Sokka muttered.

"Oh!"

Sokka sprang into action, rolling rocks left and right, moving sheets of moss here and there, until he had created his own personal rock lounger. He folded his arms behind his head and kicked back in the shade.

...Unfortunately, the rest of the garden was left in disarray, much to the misfortune of the butler.

"Hey, you mind grabbin' me a cold drink?" Sokka asked.

"I'll take a slice of lemon in mine, please," Piandao added.

The butler sighed and left for the kitchen. "Knew I shoulda tried out for Sozin in the school play, then everything would be different..."

* * *

It was time for Sokka's third attempt at bringing down the butler. After going back and forth for a while, the butler lunged and Sokka took advantage, maneuvering the sword out of his hand. Sokka had finally triumphed.

Piandao sipped his drink.

* * *

Iroh began doing push-ups, bringing his hands together every time, creating a clapping sound. The guard stationed outside heard the sound and went to check on Iroh. When he walked inside, he saw Iroh staring into space, clapping left and right.

"Crazy old man." The guard walked away.

Iroh looked where the guard's face had been and smiled. _"That's right, you keep thinking that. When I bust out of here, you're the first one I'm gonna Rick Roll._

"_Live."_

* * *

Katara and Aang struggled over the map of the Fire Nation, attempting to make sense of it, arguing with each other.

"You two have no idea what you're doing, do you?" Toph asked.

Katara and Aang fell silent.

"I miss Sokka," said Toph.

Katara had a brilliant idea, a joke that would rock the ages, a joke that would make the first incarnation of the Avatar himself laugh. "I got one! If you miss him so much...why don't you marry him?"

Toph rolled over in disgust. "Um, I'm only twelve years old. Why would I marry him?"

"It was supposed to be a joke--"

"Hey everyone, what's up?" asked Suki, walking back into camp with a smile.

"Nothing," the rest of the gang responded.

"Okay, see ya." And with that, Suki left.

"Wow, that was strange. Wonder what's gotten into her?" Katara asked.

"I'm not sure I want to know," said Aang.

* * *

"You've had a terrible first day of training," said Piandao.

"What? But I thought I was doing things in a unique way," said Sokka.

"That doesn't matter. The goal on the battlefield isn't to kill your opponent 'uniquely,' is it?"

Sokka fell silent.

"...Ah, I was just kidding, Sokka!" Piandao smiled. "You're very special...this is the most fun I've had training anyone in years. You're ready for a real sword."

Sokka almost had a heart attack. "What!? That's great! Are you giving me one of yours?"

"No."

Sokka frowned.

"Hold on, hold on," said Piandao. "Your sword has to be an extension of yourself, remember? So you're going to make your own sword."

Sokka was elated.

* * *

Piandao brought Sokka to his material room, where he kept all of his swords and sword metals.

"Choosing a material for your sword is very important," said Piandao. "You have to trust your sword with your life on the battlefield, so choose carefully."

"What's this?" asked Sokka, holding up a strangely shaped piece of rubber. "Can I make a rubber sword?"

Piandao quickly took the rubber piece and threw it in the corner. "No, that's, um, a gift. Besides, a rubber sword wouldn't be very effective, would it?"

"I guess you're right," Sokka answered.

"_How the hell did that get in here?"_

Sokka continued feeling, tapping, biting, sniffing, and listening to every material he could find. Then, being the strange soul that he was, an idea came to mind.

"Master, would it be possible for me to leave and bring back a special material for my sword?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way," said Piandao with a smile.

"As long as it's not rubber."

* * *

Suki waited behind a rock, a few yards away from the entrance to Piandao's mansion. As Sokka exited the estate, Suki popped out.

"Oh, hi Suki!"

"Hey Sokka," said Suki in a slightly provocative voice as she sauntered (yes, sauntered) up to Sokka.

"Um...what's going on?"

"Oh, not much...You sure are hot. You must have been training very hard," said Suki.

"Yeah, I was...what are you doing exactly?" Suki's hands had made their way to Sokka's lower back, and they weren't stopping.

"What do you mean, Sokka? I'm just showing my favorite person some love...Is there anything wrong with that?"

"I guess not...But you know that Toph is my girlfriend now, right?"

"Oh, really? Think about it, Sokka. Do you really love her?"

"Of course, I--"

"Ever since we met back on Kyoshi Island, I've thought about you nonstop. And I know you feel the same way towards me."

"Well--"

"Don't you remember the kiss we had back in The Serpent's Pass? I thought you loved me," Suki said.

"Suki?"

"Yes, Sokka?"

"...Come with me."

* * *

Toph sensed Sokka walking back to camp, and he wasn't alone. "Sokka's back!" exclaimed Toph, leaving Suki out of the picture.

"Sokka!" Katara and Aang joined in.

"Hey guys, what's up?"

"Sokka, say something funny!" Aang said, almost begging.

"Funny how?"

The gang started cracking up. Toph smiled and turned away. "These two lovebirds missed you, but I didn't really care," she said with a blush.

"...What?"

"What's wrong, Sokka?" asked Suki.

"So you don't care!" Sokka yelled at Toph, forehead scrunched. Suki smiled. Her brainwashing was working marvelously.

"Sokka, that's not how I meant it--"

"Suki was right, she was always my true love! I don't know how I got hypnotized by you, Toph, but Suki's the one that really cares!"

"Sokka, you idiot, LISTEN!" Toph yelled. "How can you be so dumb? Suki's just trying to make you think I'm some stupid blind girl. If you want to think that, that's fine with me, I DON'T CARE! I'll always love you no matter what; I don't need you to return the favor! Go ahead and lock lips with Suki all you want!"

Toph was furious and in tears by this point. She ran away as fast as she could.

Sokka thought about what exactly just happened. He was stunned. As he tried to take it all in, Suki continued with her plan.

"Sokka, I'm so sorry. I'm glad you and I will always be together." Suki put her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her, but Sokka pulled away.

"What have I done...I just snapped on the girl that I..."

"You what, Sokka?"

"I love her. Toph. I really love her."

Sokka ran after Toph, leaving Katara, Aang, and Suki back at camp.

"Guys?" Suki said, looking stunned.

"Yeah, Suki?" Aang said.

"...I think I'm gonna head back to Kyoshi Island. I think it's clear that me and Toph can't peacefully co-exist, unfortunately. And who am I to mess with the guy that I love?"

Katara protested. "Suki..."

"Just tell Sokka that he's gotta come visit sometime, okay? And tell Toph I said I was sorry for the trouble I caused her. I feel like an idiot."

"..."

Aang broke the silence. "We'll do it, Suki. Thanks for helping us."

"Thank you, Aang. The Kyoshi Warriors will continue to support the allies in the war against the Fire Nation."

Suki turned and simply walked away, until she was out of sight.

Katara and Aang were stunned.

"So, um, Katara..."

"Yeah, Aang?"

"Wanna flip that coin again?"

* * *

Toph sat in the spot where Sokka had been painting earlier that day, sobbing and blindly staring out at the waterfall.

"It's beautiful."

Sokka walked up and sat next to Toph, looking not at her, but out at the waterfall.

"What do you want?" Toph snapped.

"You were right."

"Yeah, well—what?"

"Suki was jealous. And I can't say I blame her; but after losing Yue, I was hurt. And then, when I thought I had lost her, I was crushed. I knew you were tough, and I would never lose you."

"So you just wanted me because I was there? I was a replacement, huh?"

"No, not at all. You're funny; you're like my sarcasm backup. It's nice having someone around who gets that kind of thing. And you're tough, and strong, and..."

"Don't say it..." Toph began to heave.

"Sorry, but you are beautiful, whether you like it or not," said Sokka with a smile. "But that's not all!"

"When will it end...?"

"This is the last thing, I promise. I thought about it, and I realized that you can't like me because of my muscles and my wolf-tail," Sokka said, chuckling.

"So you're saying that me being blind is a good thing?"

"No, not at all. But it helps me realize why I said I loved you in the first place: because you don't like me for what you see. You can't. You like me for who I really am."

"..."

"Piandao really brought out who I am today, with all of the training that we did. And those are the things you like me for, not anything else. I remember now why I said I loved you after that dance party, and Suki made me forget that. But I realize now that that was wrong."

"..."

"I am returning the favor, Toph. I love you."

Sokka turned to look at Toph. She was crying, still staring out into space. He wished so badly that she could see everything that he could.

He had to make her feel better.

Sokka put his hands on her face, and Toph jumped a little bit. He turned her head towards his, and pulled it in.

Toph pulled back out of Sokka's hands. "Wait, we're not doing what I think we're doing, are we?"

"Yeah, we are."

"...Well, I guess, if you must get all mushy on me."

She took him around the neck, and he did the same, and they kissed, and Sokka loved it; he loved everything about Toph, and this was just one more thing to add to the list.

And of course, Toph had played hard-to-kiss, but her thoughts told another story:

"_Kissing isn't bad at all."_

When the kiss finally ended, both kids satisfied, they both turned to face the waterfall again.

"Sokka, what's it look like?"

"Huh?"

"The waterfall, dummy," said Toph, punching Sokka in the shoulder.

Sokka rubbed where she punched. "Well, it's beautiful. Green fields on both sides, with a river that comes all the way from the top of the mountain in the distance to us, falling down into a cloud of white mist below."

"It sounds great," said Toph.

Sokka forgot to tell her that there was a rainbow there, after all.

* * *

They returned to camp to find Aang and Katara in a very awkward position. Katara was laid out on top of Aang, who was struggling to hide the coin he had flipped.

"WHAT WAS IT?"

"I'm telling you, it was the sea serpent!" Aang grinned, unable to keep this lie hidden.

"You're lying!"

"Um, what are you two doing?" Sokka interrupted. "I need your help."

"Oh," said Katara, standing up and dusting herself off, leaving a dazed Aang on the ground. "What do you need help with?"

* * *

Iroh was doing handstand push-ups.

The dude is a beast. What more is there to say?

* * *

The gang made their way up to the door, meteorite in tow.

"These are some of my friends from the Earth Kingdom colonies," Sokka explained.

"Ah, nice to meet you all."

"Master, do you think we could make a sword out of a meteorite?"

"We'll make a sword unlike any other in the world," Piandao stated.

* * *

Sokka shoveled coal into the furnace.

Sokka held the stake as the butler pounded it against the meteorite.

Sokka chiseled away pieces of the meteorite.

Sokka pumped the furnace as Katara and Aang looked on.

Sokka worked through the night, shoveling more and more coal, with almost no breaks, as Piandao looked on, admiring the boy's hard work.

Sokka carefully poured the molten meteorite into the sword mold.

...Okay, no more of that.

Piandao pounded the sword with a mallet until it was perfect, then he dipped the sword in the water, cooling it instantly.

* * *

The gang, Piandao, and the butler reconvened in the entrance to the house.

"Sokka, when you first arrived, you seemed unsure of yourself, totally humble. And as we trained, it wasn't your skills that impressed me."

Piandao thought of everything that had transpired since he met Sokka.

"...Yeah, it definitely wasn't your skill."

Sokka looked away.

"You showed something beyond that." Piandao dramatically unsheathed Sokka's meteorite sword. It was absolutely awesome-looking.

(What? It was. :D)

"Creativity. Versatility. Intelligence. These are the traits that define a good swordsman. And these are the traits...that define you."

He lowered the sword, offering it to Sokka with a bow.

"You told me that you weren't worthy. But I believe that you are more worthy than any man I have ever trained."

Sokka sat in silence for a few seconds, contemplating.

"I'm sorry, Master. You're wrong. I am not worthy."

Aang looked up, worried. _"Don't you dare, Sokka..."_

"I am not who you think I am."

Katara cringed.

"I'm not from the Fire Nation...I'm from the Southern Water Tribe."

Aang was stunned, Katara looked constipated, and Toph lowered her head.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," Piandao said. With a quick moment he swung with his sword. Sokka narrowly avoided it and unsheathed his sword. The gang got up to help, but Sokka waved them off.

"No guys, this is my fight."

* * *

The guard walked into Iroh's cell again to bring him his food.

"I don't believe it. You used to be our nation's top general, the 'Dragon of the West.' Now look at you. Look what you've become. Pathetic."

The guard walked out.

Iroh thought to himself. _"If only you knew..."_

He grinned and unfastened his robe, revealing...wtf!? Screw coherency, he was FREAKING RIPPED!! He had kept up the illusion of his stomach with a blanket.

Genius.

* * *

Sokka faced off in the white lotus ring one more time, face-to-face with the man who taught him everything he knew. The butler and the gang looked on.

Piandao made the first lunge. They traded blows, equal from slash to slash and stab to stab. Piandao saw an opening and lunged, thrusting Sokka back against a bridge at the edge of the arena.

Hopping from rail to rail, Sokka managed to avoid all of Piandao's swipes, but he continued to be pushed back across the bridge.

Piandao was impressed. "Using your superior agility against an older opponent. Smart."

"_Why the heck is he complimenting me?"_ Sokka thought.

They reached a set of stairs with walls on either side. Sokka was pushed up against one and barely managed to avoid getting cut to ribbons. He rolled behind Piandao and got up on the ledge. Piandao swung and Sokka trapped his master's sword with his own. Piandao used it as a wedge to lift Sokka up and backwards, knocking him against a bamboo shoot.

Sokka recognized the opportunity and ran into the cover of the bamboo forest, slicing as he went to block his trail. The master swordsman was unphased, simply double slicing any stray pieces. Sokka eventually made his way out of the forest, and he just plain ran for his life, the master following closely behind.

They made their way back to the white lotus arena. Sokka desperately plunged his sword into the stone beneath, flinging gravel and dust into Piandao's eyes. It was of little use though; he simply activated his Tophvision (a.k.a. ears). He waited and listened.

Sokka saw his chance and tried to creep away, but as in any typical cartoon, he stepped on a stick, giving himself away. Piandao lunged, and Sokka tried to block it, but Piandao knocked the awesome sword away. He had Sokka cornered, and was about to deliver the killing blow.

The gang sprang into action, but Piandao stood down. "Excellent work, Sokka." He turned to face the gang, specifically Aang. "I think I'm a little too old to be fighting the Avatar," he stated.

Aang was stunned. "How did you know?"

"Oh, I've been some places. Namely, the shop you all visited a couple days ago. I heard from the shopkeeper how a boy with a red headband was trying on some...ahem 'provocative items of clothing.'"

Katara glared at Aang, who had a wide grin on his face.

"And I knew from the beginning that Sokka was Water Tribe...you need a better Fire Nation cover name. Try Lee...there's a million Lees."

Katara was confused. "Why would you agree to train someone from the Water Tribe?"

"The way of the sword doesn't belong to any one nation. Knowledge of the arts belongs to us all, no matter how strange."

"Hey--"

"Sokka, you must continue your training on your own. If you continue the way you're going, I have no doubt that you'll surpass even me one day."

* * *

The gang walked out of the mansion. As they were leaving, Piandao's butler called after them. He ran up to Sokka.

"The master wanted you to have this...as something to remember him by." Everyone bowed, and the butler left to go back to the house.

The gang turned to face Sokka, holding the bag in his hand. He opened it up and recognized the contents instantly. First:

"It's a Pai Sho tile," said Sokka.

"The white lotus...what does it mean?" said Aang.

"I have no idea..."

The doors to Piandao's closed, and on the front, the gang noticed the white lotus symbol.

"Hey, there's something else...it's that rubber piece! I wonder why he gave this to me? Do you guys know what this is used for?"

The gang thanked the universe for making an oblivious Sokka, and Aang quickly changed the subject.

"Hey, Sokka," said Aang. "Why do you have paint on your face, anyway?"

"Oh, yeah. Um, well, that's not important. Oooh, I'm not sure why, but that reminds me," said Sokka, turning to face Toph. "I saved this piece of space earth for you to bend, Toph, because, well, I don't think you've ever bent it before."

"Sweet! I can bend it into all kinds of shapes!" Toph morphed the space earth into a swirl, a star, and a totally obvious network promotion.

"How can it be space earth?" asked Katara. "It's not really from earth..."

"Must you ruin everything?" Sokka responded.

"I can't believe I missed you," Katara replied.

"_I know I missed him," _Toph thought.

* * *

"Hey, before we go, could we go back to the shop so I can buy those pants?"

"NO!!"

End :D

* * *

I really shouldn't have typed this all today, but hey, fan service is more fun than homework.

I know you may be wondering two things. First of all, this is warped, so Iroh is perfectly capable of possessing an iPhone. I kinda did make him into an internet junkie, huh? I'm not even sure myself what Iroh means by a "live Rick Roll," so you'll have to make of that what you want. Hmmm...Secondly, we all know of the big UK spoiler controversy. As of this writing, I've only watched up to 307, and haven't actually watched the spoilers from 308 and 309. And I don't plan on it. So I figured I'd have some fun with it.

Seriously, if any of you spoil me with 308 or 309 info, you will pay... :D

This kind of ended up like Sokka's Master with bonus material, if you ask me. The Piandao stuff was almost all cut-and-paste; it was hard to reimagine anything with him. But I hope you enjoyed the Tokka scene as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Thanks for the reviews, and look forward to a warped beach, coming soon! ;D


	5. The Schedule, warped

OMFGWTFLMAO!!! I am so sorry.

Here's the deal. I haven't seen the Book 3 episodes since they aired on the television, and I rely on them to get a general feel for what I want to warp. So watch them on the internet at (insert site name here) site, you say? OMG great idea! Except, my laptop :( and it's like watching a slideshow, if it runs at all. So I'm postponing the continuation of my story until a. I get a new computer (don't hold your breath) or b. I get the Book 3 box set (how exciting it is to say that! Avatar is almost over...). So that's where we're at. It looks like Chapter 5 Warped won't be going up until late May or early June.

I apologize tremendously for the long wait, but know that this story will not be over until it's over, okay? I promise. Whether it takes 2 days or 2 weeks (or however long this delay was), the next chapter _will _go up. I thank you for your patience. I will not abandon this story forever.

I want to give you a tiny bit to snack on, because I feel like I've neglected you, and I want you to know I'm still here, and I definitely haven't forgotten about the story.

* * *

"Aang, I'm off to get some juicy information on the enemy, okay?" 

"You just want to see that Ty Lee girl in a swimsuit, don't you?"

I grinned wide and walked away, waving backwards as I went.

I had discovered from one of my inside sources that the bad guys were taking a mandatory vacation to Ember Island, so I decided to go over there and hang out around there, just to get a change of environment. And nothing bad could come of it, right?

When I arrived at Ember Island, Zuko and the girls were nowhere to be found yet. I didn't want them to see me; they could get suspicious, and I do have ties to the Avatar, no matter how insignificant they may be. So just to be safe, I hid behind a rock and called out to one of the guys on the beach.

"Hey, you!"

"Who," his head looked from side to side, "Me?"

I nodded, and he walked over.

"What's your name?"

"The name's Chan. I'm the most popular kid here on the island."

Hmmm, strange luck I'd been having lately.

"Good to hear! Listen, I hear the prince, princess, and their friends are on their way here as we speak. Could you do me a favor and hang out around them, maybe gather some information?"

"Hey, I'll do you one better. We're having a party tonight; I'll just invite them!"

This kid had to be a blessing from Roku.

"That—that'll work! Thank you so much!"

"Whoa whoa whoa, that's not it, is it?" He held out his hand, rubbing his fingers together.

"Oh, yeah, sure," I said. I reached into my bag and pulled out the black speedo from the last shop I had visited. "Here ya go, it's a collectible!"

I was punched in the face.

* * *

I apologized, cheek bruised, and gave him some money. He responded with a thanks, and I left for the nearest restaurant.

"Yeah, you better find me some good info, you piece of--"

* * *

-----The Be--

"What, why'd you cut me off? I was gonna say crap--"

-----AHEM!!!-----

"Oh yeah, sorry."

-----The Beach, Warped-----

A royal ferry chugged along across the ocean, pulled along by what appeared to be a Sea Lion.

"This is going to be great! Finally, a chance to just relax and do nothing," Ty Lee said.

"No, this is stupid!" Zuko snapped back. "We're being sent away on a forced vacation. This is a waste of time."

"Oh, lighten up," Azula responded. "You never get a chance to relax. You've been at uncle's prison cell for the past couple of weeks. You should be glad to get a break from that traitor."

"Don't you guys have a house on Ember Island?" Ty Lee asked.

"Yes, we used to come here as kids every summer," Zuko responded. "That was a long time ago..."

Mai looked on curiously. _"He's hiding something..."_

The ferry slowly pulled into the port, Li and Lo standing at the edge of the dock to welcome the kids. The four looked past Li and Lo, where the dock led to a stone path that led up to...a very small-looking house.

As they walked inside, Zuko was annoyed. "It smells like old lady in here," he said in disgust.

"Ha, I thought you liked that smell, Zuko?" Mai joked.

"You're sick," Zuko said.

"_Gotta be more careful," _he thought to himself.

"Hey, what's this?" Ty Lee pointed to a painting of two young ladies hanging on the wall, pressing their backsides together.

"Don't you recognize them? It's Lo and Li!" the two said, demonstrating the move in the painting with aplomb.

Yeah, except Zuko threw up.

"Let's get out of here. NOW," Zuko commanded.

"Before you go," Li said, "you should know that Ember Island is a magical place.

"Keep an open mind," Lo chimed in.

"Give it a chance."

"And in time, you may learn more about yourselves."

"The beach has a special way..."

"...of smoothing even the most ragged edges."

The four kids looked on, bored.

"Time to hit the beach!" Lo and Li yelled, (unfortunately) removing their robes to expose their swimsuits.

Mai shielded Zuko's eyes.

* * *

Basic stuff, nothing groundbreaking or warped here, just setting the foundation. But I've got some good stuff planned. 

Can you believe it? We're past the Day of Black Sun now. Some of you have already seen what happens afterwards, but for those of us in the USA that haven't turned to the internet, we're waiting for The Western Air Temple. The final run is upon us, and I'll enjoy it, and you should too. And look forward to this story once it's all over and done with, okay?

Promise: the first day after the finale, something new will be here. Please, enjoy Avatar. :D


	6. PreBeach, warped

LALALA UPDATE!

A bit late, but I'm sure you don't care. You just watched one of the most amazing finales ever to hit TV, and this story was nowhere near your mind. :P

But we have a date!

September 16th is the date of the box set release. I'm gonna do my best to secure it, then go into hiding for 24 hours and crank out a chapter (or maybe 2!?) just for you guys.

A few comments on the status of the story compared to canon:

I was really worried about Suki coming back once The Boiling Rock aired, and I thought I wrote myself into a corner. Suki won't be as OOC as she was in Sokka's Master Warped if/when she makes her grand re-enterance.

Tokka... :P I thought for sure this would happen. It didn't, much to Orca's disappointment. It's just BFF. But that's okay! This is Book 3 Warped, so it will remain lovey-dovey-punchy in my story. Enjoy.

Please look forward to mid-September. I can't wait to start writing again. ;)


End file.
